


indifference into thought

by JenLi



Series: Selection OC 6 [12]
Category: Selection OC
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:14:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26020999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenLi/pseuds/JenLi
Summary: Challenge 6 Side RPs RAW
Relationships: Jen Li/Arin Schreave
Series: Selection OC 6 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1742209
Kudos: 1





	indifference into thought

**Author's Note:**

> I do not have time to write as much as I would love to. Be sure to read Paint 1 aka Nice Paint. This is what I like to call Naughty Paint.
> 
> Or, the one in which Idalia nearly kills Arin Schreave.
> 
> A bit more NSFE, mid-T.
> 
> Do I wish I added more thoughts? Eh, yeah.

**Four Days After the Ball**

*Idalia be sitting in the carpet. This time she’s reading a book that’s her own, not from the library. She seems focused as she reads as per usual, legs folded near her chest as she rests the book on her knees a bit*

*Jen is at her table on her laptop and doing college apps, which she would've told idalia if she asked but idk. She's pretty at ease, just chilling with her homie. A bit randomly since they haven't talked much, she looks up and says into the room* How do I know if I was raped?

*She’s been researching even more lately and thinking about exactly what Ian had done to her. The touching had been one thing, the kissing another, but reflecting back on everything else and being around a man who actually respected her boundaries was a bit of an eye-opener*

*idalia pauses reading. Blinks at the page she’s on. Looks up with alarmed eyes* What? *already closing the book*

*Jen doesn't glance at her, still staring forward. Calm, which would be weird. She continues without missing a beat* Like, if I technically didn't say no but very obviously meant no, and he shouldn't have been touching me in the first place and never gave me the opportunity to, that sounds like rape, right? Or am I reading into it too much?

*He hadn’t asked the first time, but she hadn’t told him to stop. She remembered wanting him to stop*

*IDALIA JUMPS TO HER FEET* HE DID WHAT? *Sharp eyes, book forgotten on the floor. FUMING TWO seconds after and she’s already headed for the door mumbling under her breath about how she can’t believe that little scumbag would dare—*

*Jen blinks, breaking out of her reverie as she sees Idalia storm off* Wait, where are you going? *She really has no idea what that sounds like, too lost in thought previously to go where Idalia’s mind is going*

*SHARP VOICE TOO* Wherever Arin is *she sounds dead serious which is RARE*

*Jen furrows her eyebrows, still not getting it* Why?

*SWIVELS AROUND* What do you mean why? *wow idalia expressing anger outwardly that’s,,,, new* He can’t just do whatever he wants because he’s a prince. *seething* I don’t care what number his papers have, he doesn’t get to do things uninvited

*It suddenly down on her, and her eyes immediately widen because oH SHIT THIS COULD'VE BEEN BAD* It wasn't Arin!

*Arin, who had been so good. An asshole? Definitely, but when it counted, he was good. The fact that she’d accidentally led Idalia for even a second to think that he’d done something like that to her. She still saw the heartbreak in his eyes from the balcony, and she didn’t want to see that face again*

*her frown deepens but also gets confused and it takes a moment of her staring before she says* a guard?

No, he's not here. *Her voice lowers a bit* I'm sorry. I didn't realize how it would sound.

*slowly her frown turns more and more puzzled. She observes Jen carefully and walks over* What are you talking about then?

A man back home. *She keeps it simple with that* I've been using the word assault because I don't know how much deeper it goes. *She gives a half-smile, but it's not really a smile at all* An umbrella term, you know?

*her eyes look dISTRAUGHT. She clenches her jaw as a finger runs over the table’s edge, shoulders slumping a bit. She slowly sits on a chair next to her, clearly thinking. Folds her arms as she leans back and brings a hand up to bite her thumbnail for a moment. Her eyes on Jen seem concerned because she brought this up so calmly and all Idalia wants to know is if she’s okay, but a part of her feels like berating her with questions isn’t what she needs yet. She lets go of her thumbnail and takes a breath* If you didn’t want to do it and you implied it—if you never asked for those advances... *doesn’t even know what to say for a moment* I don’t know how anyone could argue it’s not rape *looks down briefly. She still feels like she should do more. Say something more...but she’s scared she’s going to make Jen uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to give Jen pity. She moves the chair with her movement so she can sit next to Jen. then stares at her hand for a longer moment before taking it and holding on. Meets her gaze, eyes clearly unsure of what she’s doing but just wanting to support so baDLY*

*She keeps her eyes on her laptop for the most part, staring ahead but not really looking* I keep thinking about it, and... it wouldn't hold in court realistically. I know how those cases go.

*Jen has seen plenty of them. Most victims didn’t even file a police report, and the ones that did often didn’t make it to court. Proving it is always the hardest part, and even if someone did prove it, getting off scot-free wasn’t unheard of. Six months of jail time because he had a bright future, out in three for good behavior. Again and again.

She doesn’t want to go through the pain of testifying if that’s what she’ll get*

*she swallows because she knows that’s probably true and I MEAN JEN IS STUDYING LAW. Looks at their hands, bites her lip thinking. Then* Are you sure it wouldn’t?

*She has no proof. There was nothing. Not a single trace. All she could give the prosecution would be cryptic text messages to a college professor asking to look over paper. She had a 3.8 GPA. It would track*

*A little quieter* Probably not. *She looks to her with a small smile* Sorry. Sometimes I just talk, and I guess there should've been a lead-up to that. I didn't mean to scare you.

*looks back at her and thinking on her outburst she runs her free hand through her hair* Perhaps I went a bit overboard myself. *shakes head* But—I’m sorry. *more quiet* That it happened. You- It should’ve never happened *waits a moment before adding* How long ago?

*She thinks back, wincing a little because it's been a while since she though about it* January was the first time. *A little quieter* June was the last, I guess.

*THE LAST IM. She has QUESTIONS BUT JEN LOOKS SAD IF U CAN CALL IT THAT AND SHE DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. She opens her mouth and closes it. Considers. Says quietly* He did it more than once?

* _ To the grave _ *

*She lets out a shaky breath* We were in a relationship, kind of. Not at the beginning, but... he said it would be okay, and I believed him. *She glances over at Idalia and says something she hasnt told /anyone/* He was married.

*she frowns, eyes pAINED for her friend, but at the last part, she feels like there’s a knOT IN HER THROAT. Her hand tightened around hers slightly without meaning too. It won’t hurt. Just a little reflex to be ready when something is thrown at her. She’s just processing. A lot of processing. She’s quiet*

*She's not really sure what to say, but the more she speaks, the more the words she'd kept tucked away keep tumbling out. Her eyes go to the wall in front of her* I love his wife. *She stares away, eyes a little empty because she's never said these things out loud* She always gets me such nice Christmas presents, and she makes... *She swallows, her breathing a little heavier* She makes cookies, and I would always come and frost them with her. *Her lip starts to quiver* I used to babysit their daughter when I was 14.

*She always watched over her with keen eyes, made sure she did her homework. Even at age eight, Harley wanted to go to Yale like her dad and Jen. Now Jen can’t look her in the eye because she’s the girl her father had used to ruin his marriage*

*the more she keeps talking the MORE IT BREAKS HER HEART. She feels like her chest is tight. She probably let go of her hand only to put it on her back when she mentions the cookies and frosting, her free hand switching to grab her again. Tighter than before in a silent reminder she’s not alone. The babysitter comment makes her close her eyes because she just... she can’t believe it. This man is old enough to have a kid that needed babysitting. BUT THEN THE FOURTEEN COMMENT makes her suck in a breath. Not a moment later, she’s already wrapped her in her arms, head placed on Jen’s shoulder as she mumbles* I’m sorry...

*Jen holds idalia, still breathing heavy, but she still cant stop because she's held it all in for so long* He knew I had a crush on him when I was 16, and when he kissed me in his office in January, I didn't know what to do, so I just didn't do anything. *There are tears in her eyes at this point just from remembering because she's really never said these words out loud. Her voice lowers into a murmur* I tried to say no. I just wanted to work on my paper.

*14 and he was less of a stranger. 16 and he’d been her sexual awakening. 18 and somewhat of a guidance counselor she had access to anytime. 24 and she loathed everything about him*

*IDALIA HUGS HER CLOSER BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO CRY TOO. She lets out a shaky breath just to appease her anger. Anger at all the adults that have failed her. Anger at not being able to do or change anything. OH MAN SHES JUST SO??? SHE’S FILLED WITH IndiGNATION. At her last words she closes her eyes and gently runs a hand over her hair. Eventually she opens her eyes and mumbles while still holding her close* I’m sorry no one paid enough attention

*She keeps holding onto her, pressing her head against Idalia's because she really needs it. She sniffles a bit* The last time... *Her voice catches* He-- *She stops because it's still so hard to say, and it's one of the parts that hurts the most*

*/Oh no/. She hates how hurt jen sounds. She already feels her eyes teary but she wants to be there for her so she blinks a few times to stop herself. There’s a few beats of silence. Then she reaches for a cushion on a chair that’s behind jen and pulls away just for a moment, trying not to watch her cry bcs she knows SHE sometimes tries to hide when she’s crying. she wants to give jen the option to hide her crying too if she wants. She puts the soft cushion on top of where jen was resting her head to cry and says quietly* Just do whatever you want *screaming into it or crying or sobbing. The noise will be muffled. She doesn’t wait for acknowledgement before pulling Jen back into the hug. The embrace is gentle but surprisingly steady*

*She takes the pillow without hesitance but only clutches it to her chest with a pained grip with one hand and holds Idalia with the other* He tried to get me pregnant. *She just manages to say it before she choked, letting the tears flow freely now. All the other times she told had been from emotional disturbances, but now she really just wants to say it out loud* He wanted to ruin my life because I left him.

*pulls her closer. HE SHOULD BE IN PRISON* He must not be very good then since he failed. *sets jaw, mumbling a “sORRY”*

*She huffs out a little laugh, sniffling, but doesn't respond quite yet*

*Idalia is quiet for a moment, thinking through her next words since she at least got her to sound a bit less sad. Eventually, she whispers* You’re not alone anymore, Jen. *a pause* You left him and you’re not alone.

*She pauses for a moment because that's the first time she recalled anyone ever telling her that. Her arm tightens around Idalia a little more* I wish I'd done it sooner. I wish I hadn't let myself get to this point.

*she isn’t sure what to say at first, but then she says* The important thing is you did and that you won’t let it happen again

Every time I go back. *She sniffles, still leaning into her touch because she needs the reassurance more than anything else, someone to tell her she'll be okay* I'm afraid I'll do it again. 

*she leans sideways in the backrest of their chairs a bit and goes back to stroking her hair* You deserve better Jen. You deserve someone that... that loves you. That wants what’s best for you. *softer* Someone who cares

*She keeps holding onto her and the pillow, tears still falling but less because of pain and more because of her words. Even if she doesn't entirely believe it* He told me he was it for me. That no one would ever love me like he would.

*clenches her jaw. When she speaks again, she sounds gentle, but firm. Even if she sounds sorry* Jen... I’m sorry but he didn’t love you. What he showed you—what he did—that’s not how love works. That man can’t even begin to understand what love is.

*She nods because realistically she knows and has always known. Her voice lowers into a whisper* I felt like if he didn't love me, no one would.

*Silence. Then* Well, I do. *softer* If that’s worth anything

*She freezes for a second because that's the first time she's heard that in so long, and even if a part of her hates it, she knows what it means and what it means to her. Her lip quivering, she looks up at Idalia* Do you mean it?

*she’s surprised by the question, but she gives her a warm smile* I would say so.

It’s not as impossible as he would have you think

*She reaches up to her face and wipes some of the tears off her face, her breaths still shaky but better* Well, I love you too.

*SHE IS 🥺🥺🥺😤😤. Quiet* Thanks. *Her expression softens, smile still there and she LOOKS LIKE SHE’S TOUCHED before she stands up and tries to get her to smile again* I’ve been told I’m quite lovable. I’ll get you some tissues.

**Eight Days After the Ball**

*So Jen is bored. Well, not really bored. She’s been doing college applications and is brain-fried from it but has been powering through. And really she didn't think she would get to this point, but it's around midnight, so no one would be out, right? Thus, she is on the banned third floor and looking a bit sus walking fast, but she just wants to get to the attic asap without bothering anyone and getting yelled at since she is not supposed to be here*

*Arin is just coming out of the family room after a long evening of working on some paperwork when he spots her walking down the hall. At first he’s sure he’s imagining it but then he does a double take and it’s indeed Jen... he stops walking* Jen? *his voice is low but still loud enough to hear from where he stands clutching a binder*

*She stops in her tracks because this is completely the opposite of what she wanted to happen. She turns around to face him with wide eyes because haha shit* I'm sorry. I'll leave. *She says the words quickly, obviously nervous*

*he frowns in confusion and glance down the hall at the way she would have come* What are you doing up here?

I wasn't coming to see you. I was just... *She says it quickly again and points up* Painting. I didn't want to bother you, so I was just going to... *She averts her eyes and clears her throat* Like I said, I'll leave if you want me to.

*his eyes follow where he points and he’s still frowning as he thinks the whole situation over* Have you done this before?

*She shakes her head, her brain freaking out a little because he does not sound chill with this* No. 

*he makes a little hm noise* Well, that’s good I guess. But it still doesn’t explain why you’re going up to the attic to paint without having invited me. *he raises his eyebrows at her*

*She relaxes a little at that and resists a smile* Maybe I thought you had better things to do than paint with me at midnight.

*he glances at the file because really he does have things he /should/ do but there are other things he could do so really... he looks back at her* Maybe don’t assume?

*She's a bit surprised because she didn't expect this* Alright, I won't assume next time. *Her eyes go to the binder in his arm before returning to his eyes* Are you sure you don't have other things to do?

*he stiffens ever so slightly when his eyes go to the binder but then he swallows and shakes his head* No. *he lies* But I do need to change. *he glances at his button down and jeans he cares about*

*Her eyes also go over his clothes and she gives a nod when their eyes meet again* Okay.

*he glances past her down the hall then walks towards and her and nods to his bedroom door* This should only take a minute.

*She looks back where he nods before looking back* Be quick. *She's trying to be cheeky, but her voice is still a little nervous*

*he keeps walking towards his door* Come on.

*She pauses for a moment because she is ??? but after a moment she does follow because Anna told me to*

*they get to his bedroom door and he reaches for the knob- but there’s a visible hesitation and he nervously glances over at her with that sense of calm and casualness he’d had just moments before having vanished*

*She's also a bit nervous, but when he glances over at her, she smiles* I can wait out here if you want me to. *Her voice is a little teasing, but she does mean it*

*he swallows and takes a moment to breath* What do /you/ want to do? *he watches her as he asks*

*She smiles a bit wider* Whatever you're comfortable with.

*he takes a deep breath then nods and opens the door, which leads into a large living room that’s dark blues and whites and very neat. To each side of the room there are sets of double doors and then another set leading out to a balcony*

*he walks inside and waits to see if she follows because he’s still not sure what her choice is*

*She looks inside first just to see what she's walking into, but she does step inside, closing the door behind her. Her eyes jot around a bit as she looks around, but they end up settling on him as she walks further into the room* It's blue. *She says it mostly to just say something, but also,, it is blue*

*he lets out a chuckle that’s still nervous but lightens the mood somewhat* You know your colors. *he stands beside her a moment because this is,,,, new*

I've been told it's my best subject. *She glances at him, noticing his slight unease, and lets her arm lightly press against his* It's nice. Did you pick it out?

*he nods* I did, blue is my favorite color and it’s... calming. *he looks down at where her arm touches his own*

*She keeps her eyes on his face, smiling just a little bit* Are you calm now?

I think I’d have to stare at the couch for about 10 minutes before there’d be any chance of that happening. *he still hasn’t moved yet because now that she’s here he’s just distracted and unsure*

*She hadn't really expected him to say that, so it catches her off guard a little bit, but she does reach and take his hand, staring straight ahead* Why's that?

*he looks down at her hand and tries to keep a level expression when he says* I don’t have a lot of people in here. *he pauses* I kind of... *he takes a deep breath not knowing how to phrase what he feels like he needs to say*

*Her voice lowers as she looks up at him* If you're not ready, I can go and... meet you there. *She gives him a small squeeze* I don't mind.

*he shakes his head* No, I need to tell you.

Tell me what?

*he takes a deep breath and nods but takes his hand out of hers- not because he doesn’t want her to touch him but because he just feels a little alone and isn’t sure what she’ll say and he doesn’t want to give her the chance to pull away because it would hurt. He looks around the living room* Everything has a place and I can’t help it... *he grimaces because he feels like and idiot for not just saying it*

*She's a little confused when he pulls away, not really sure if she did something wrong or he just doesn't want to touch her, so she doesn't try to again* What do you mean?

*there’s another deep breath and he really looks at her now* Obsessive compulsive disorder. *he swallows* That’s what it’s called.

*She blinks once because that's not what she was expecting* Oh. *She's silent for a moment because she really had no idea at all* Okay. Thank you for telling me that. 

*he’s silent because that’s the reaction he anticipated and he feels like he was right to let go of her hand. He sighs* I don’t have to come with you. *he’s not looking at her anymore*

Did I... *She doesn’t say "say something wrong" because he doesn't seem to like it when she says that* I'm not very good at these things. Should I have said something else? *She keeps her eyes on him, not really sure what to do, but something is obviously wrong, and she doesn't want him feeling however he was*

*he shakes his head and looks over at her* No, I just understand if you want space. I don’t want you to feel like you’re obligated to stick around.

*She stands there literally so confused because none of his reaction is making sense in her head* Why wouldn't I want to?

Because maybe you want to think about it. I don’t know. I don’t do this a whole lot so I’m not good at this conversation. *he frowns*

*She stands there for a second, still confused because she doesn't have these conversations much either* Can I touch you? *She asks because he'd slipped out of her grip already and doesn't wanna cross any boundaries right now*

*he nods* Of course. *he doesn’t reach for her because he feels like she should decide how comfortable she is*

*She hesitates for a moment before taking however many steps she needs to wrap her arms around him, holding him close with the side of his face pressed into his chest* I meant what I said. Thank you for telling me.

*he holds her back but is silent because he’s so confused by whatever the heck is happening here because really he had no expectations of how this would go and anything would have been a surprise*

*When he doesn't respond, she looks up but doesn't pull away* Are you okay?

*he nods* I think so. Are you?

*She squeezes him a little tighter* Of course I am. A name doesn't change things.

*his rate picks up just a bit* Thank you.

*She murmurs* You're welcome. *She pulls away then and smiles* You still want to paint?

*he takes a moment* Only of you want to.

*She settles her hands on his sides as she looks up at him* I do if you want to.

*he looks down at her and nods but doesn’t make any move to actually get ready to paint* Let’s do it then.

*She lets go of him finally and takes a step back to allow him to move even if she kinda wants to keep touching him*

*he takes a deep breath because he knows he actually has to get ready now* I guess I’ll just... *he glances towards the double doors that lead to his bedroom*

*She smiles* I'll wait.

*he nods* Okay. *he steps back and then goes to his bedroom and shuts the door behind him. He’s gone maybe about 10 minutes- for sure longer than he needs to be gone before he comes out wearing a tshirt and a different pair of jeans*

*She's standing around the same place, not wanting to have snooped or invaded privacy or messed anything up, especially after what he'd told her. When she sees him come out, she smiles* Ready?

*he nods* Ready. *he stops a few feet away from her just to take in the fact she’s in his space and he considers how he feels about it*

*When he stops, she tilts her head a little as he looks at her* Is everything okay?

*he nods* Yeah. *he walks over to her*

*She's not very convinced as she goes to his side* You can tell me if it's not. Really.

*he gives her a small smile* I know, trust me. I promise it’s fine.

Okay. *She takes his hand then just because she wants to* To our hideout?

*he laughs a little and gives her hand a squeeze* Our hideout?

Yes, our hideout. *She gives him a playful glance* Unless you're bringing all your other girls up there to paint. To that, I will say don't let them touch my wall.

*he sucks in a breath* Oh, it might be too late for that....

*Her face goes deadpan, obviously playful but there's still seriousness* Who touched my wall? I think I need to have a talk with her.

*he smirks a little bit* Oh, you should know by now that I don’t kiss and tell.

*She turns to him fully* Oh, so you're desecrating our hideout too. I see how it is.

*his smirk grows* And what if I am? You desecrated my shirt last time.

*She narrows her eyes* That is not the same thing. Your shirt was artwork.

*be grimaces and shakes his head* I’m not sure I agree.

You don't have to agree because I know I'm correct. *She leans a little closer and lowers her voice* Who touched my wall?

*he shrugs* sure you are. *he also takes a step closer* but I don’t recall.

I'm starting to think it's not that you don't kiss and tell but that you don't kiss and remember. *A small smirk* Since I keep having to remind you.

*he snorts* Oh, I remember. Do /you/?

*She hums* Here and there. The memories are fleeting.

*he raises his eyebrows* I believe we were discussing the relations between Illéa and New Asia.

*Her eyes light up as if she remembers something* Of course. And how are they looking?

*he shrugs* Negotiations are tense. But progress is possible.

I agree. *She nods* With a bit more time, negotiations could go quite pleasantly.

*he shrugs* Maybe. But I think Illéa is a touch country to convince.

*tough

Is it? It didn't seem that hard to convince last time.

*he chuckles* oh? But you just admitted memories are fleeting.

They are, but I remember that part.. *She pauses* very well.

*he nods* You’re right- having Italy interrupt the negations was the most memorable part. Who could forget that?

*She smiles from the memory* Completely unforgettable. Perhaps for the best. Illéa and New Asia should carefully deliberate before negotiations proceed.

*he nods* You’re right. For now, all negotiations should stop.

*That makes her pause because it's not /exactly/ what she wanted* I mean, not all negotiations have to stop. It's important there's some continuance. For the sake of our countries.

*he chuckles and nods* You’re right, painting is still on the table.

*She raises an eyebrow* Just painting?

*he shrugs* Maybe. I’m not sure what New Asia wants on the list of approved activities.

I suppose we'll have to do some more negotiating in that case. *She nods toward the door* You wanna go? We can continue negotiating then, and maybe I can get you to remember who touched my wall.

*he steps back and nods* What if I can’t remember? *he starts to walk towards the door*

*She stays by his side as they walk* Then I guess I'll have to cope with the fact that you betrayed me.

*they get to his room door and he holds it open for her to go through first* But what if I didn’t betray you at all?

*She does and when he steps out she takes his hand again* Haven't you? Seems like a betrayal to me.

*he squeezes her hand and steps a little closer* How so?

You think someone else touching my wall isn't betrayal? *She's still mostly joking but also kinda serious* Interesting.

*he stops walking and turns to her* You really think I’d do that? *he searches her face for any sign that she’s only kidding but sees there’s something more to it*

*She shrugs as she looks up at him, a little confused why he stopped* It's just a wall.

It doesn’t seem like it’s just a wall. *he raises his eyebrows. He reaches up and brushes some hair out of her face*

It is to you. Actually, it's /your/ wall, so... *She pauses, not really sure where she was going with this* It's your decision who touches it, I guess.

Jen, no one touched it. It was a bad joke, I’m sorry.

*She frowns for a second, not really sure why it sounds like a big deal to him. The idea of him bringing someone else up there hurts, but not in a way she can’t deal with. After a moment, she squeezes his hand and leans closer* Promise?

*he nods* I promise. *he puts a hand on her cheek*

*She smiles a little* Then don't apologize. *She nods her head down the hallway* Come on.

*he nods* Alright, lead the way then.

*She smiles a little more as she tugs him a little to start walking. She leads them down to where the stairs to the attic are and opens the door again and begins walking up first again 🙃*

*as he walks up behind her her again keeps his eyes on the railing, not daring to say anything in case she replies and looks at him*

*She doesn't look down at him as she walks up this time. When she enters the attic, she switches on the light and takes a look around at their area of paint before looking back to him* Just like how we left it.

*he stops walking beside her* You didn’t believe me?

*She looks over at him* I trust you. I'm just... musing.

You trust me? *he reaches for her hand* Really? Even after the ball?

Why wouldn't I? *She really doesn't get it because she has mostly good memories from that night*

Well, I mean you hurt your ankle... and Idalia seemed really concerned. *he grimaced at the thought of what she said*

*She furrows her eyebrows because she really doesnt know what he's talking about* I was wearing heels... What did she say to you?

*he shakes his head* Oh, nothing noteworthy. Just that she was concerned and I told her what happened. *he breaks away from her and walks towards his section of the wall*

*Her face falls a little, but she does follow* What... did you tell her exactly?

Uh... *he pauses awkwardly* I told her that you’d fallen off the balcony and she wanted to know what if done. *he turns and looks over at her* I told her that you’d wanted down.

*She relaxes a little and walks forward to her wall, eyes scanning over it to see where she'd left off* She didn't scare you away then. That's good. *She's joking because she really doesn't know lmao*

*he swallows* Not exactly... but she made some things /very/ clear.

*She gives a small laugh as she walks over to the paint to pick something out, just imagining what she'd told him* Like what?

I think that should stay between me and Idalia. Just like what she interrupted. *he chuckles, going to grab a roller*

*She hums, smiling a bit at the memory* Fair enough. *She takes a smaller set of paintbrushes and prepares her paint before going back to the wall* So how have things been?

You know, not too much has changed in the week or so since we talked... but okay I guess. *he goes to open another can of blue paint* The queen is coming home I’m a couple weeks and I’m looking forward to seeing her.

*She ignores him when she says not much has changed but still smiles* That's good. Are you close with her? *She dips in a paintbrush and goes to work on her wall*

In between. *he shrugs* It’s hard to be close to someone that busy. Are you close with your parents? *he opens the lid and dumps some of the paint into the tray*

*She's silent for a moment as she thinks about it* Not really. I haven't seen my mom in... *She pauses, blows out a breath* three years? Maybe four. *Another pause as she considers* I hadn't realized it's been that long.

*he stops what he’s doing and looks up at her* Can I ask why?

She and my dad didn't separate on the best of terms, so she doesn't really come here. I haven't had time to visit Europe in a long time either, so time has just flown by without me realizing, I guess. *She smiles a bit* Jesus, my sister is almost 19. 

*he nods because he can sort of see it with how the weeks have gone by without them talking* And after this is all over? Do you think you’ll go?

*She returns to painting* I'd like to. I'm not going back to school until next year, so I guess I have enough time on my hands. *She glances at him* I started applying to other schools.

Oh, you aren’t? *he blinks in surprise but then he looks back at the wall because he’s relieved- especially at the thought she’s switching school even if she shouldn’t have to* And where have you been applying to? *he still doesn’t look back*

Columbia was my second choice back when I was first applying. I submitted to Oxford too. The others I'm working on are AU, Stanford, and Harvard. *She keeps her eyes on the wall* Hopefully I won't have to start over, but there are worse things that could happen.

*he raises his eyebrows because while each of those is impressive she just said something he never expected to hear* You- you’re applying to AU? In Angeles? Sorry- just to clarify not like Allens University or Atlin University

Yes, the one here. *She smirks a little bit at his reaction* It's one of the top 15 law schools in the country. I considered it for undergrad, but then you went there, and I just couldn't. *Her tone is teasing because that definitely wasn't the reason*

*Yale had always been her first choice, but she’d considered AU as an option, just another target school if her higher picks didn’t work out. It really was a good school in a beautiful area she’d never been able to tour, but it was Yale. It always had been. And now it just wasn’t anymore.

She hadn’t found out that the prince was going to AU until after she’d accepted Yale’s offer, and she couldn’t recall caring. Now she liked to occasionally imagine herself taking a chance across the country and maybe bumping into a prince in her year and major*

*he rolls his eyes* Oh, ha ha because it was so unexpected for me to go there. *he picks up his roller to dip it in the paint then just before he sets it on the wall he pauses and cautiously looks at her* Can I ask you something? You can no- I’m not sure it’s a question you’ll want to answer.

*She meets his gaze, a little nervous because question are not always her friend* You can ask 

Okay. *he sets his roller down in the tray and walks towards her before stopping a couple feet away* Are you transferring because of /him/? *there’s clear concern on his face and he shoves his hands into his pockets*

*She watches for a moment as he moves, her heart speeding up a little from the question because there’s no question of who he’s talking about. After a moment, she speaks, averting her eyes from his* I want to say no, but we agreed to be honest. *She looks up at him* It is.

*he takes a deep breath and nods because he thought so. Then he decides to dare ask the other question he has* And if he were to no longer be there do you think you could ever feel safe?

*She sighs because she knows where this is going. She can’t deny she’s definitely thought about it. A lot. And it's hard to state the answer out loud* It's not just... him. Everywhere I look, he's been there. On campus, in class, my apartment, my dad's house. I can't even wear my sweatshirt anymore because he's all I think about when I do.

*She hasn’t glanced at her diploma yet, but she’s going to have to say she graduated from Yale for the rest of her life*

*he takes a deep breath because it hurts to hear that because he just thinks about all the pain it’s caused her* I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I was wrong in the assumptions I made. *he nods, thinking over what he would have done if she’d have let him* Thank you for explaining it to me.

*She nods* It's okay. I'm... getting to a point where I can talk about it, I think. It's still hard, but it's nice not to be all in my head all the time. Like it's less of a secret and more... something I'll be able to cope with. *She glances at her tray* Like someone telling me it'll be okay when it doesn't feel like it will. *Like what he’d done at the ball, when he held her even after she’d compared to Ian*

What does it feel like right now? *he gives her a genuinely curious look not necessarily meaning right in that moment with him but all around as he still keeps his distance*

*She takes a moment to think on it, really considering* I will be. At some point. Hopefully soon, but I know it's getting better. *Her eyes meet his. She gives a small smile* I slept through the night a few nights ago.

*he tilts his head and smiles a little because he’s proud of that bit of progress she’s made and he knows how something so simple can be significant* What was different?

*She shrugs* I don't know. I was tired, so I slept. Tried to repeat it, and it didn't work. *She lifts her arms a little to gesture at the attic* Thus, I am here. With you.

*he shakes his head and sighs then says in a joking tone* What are we going to do with ourselves?

Apparently keep staying up all night together. How many times has it been now? *She thinks for a moment* Four times? I think we're enabling each other.

Has it been that many? *he chuckles* Maybe I should give the scotch another go. Or try wine.

*She turns back to the wall, a little bothered but not visibly so* Not sure it works. You definitely were drinking half of those times.

*he watches the way she turns away from him* Jen?

*She looks over at him* Yes?

Tell me what you’re thinking? *he steps a little closer but not too much*

*She shakes her head when he asks* Nothing.

*he frowns* You looked away.

*She almost immediately lies and says it's nothing but thinks better of it* I-- *She looks back to the wall and keeps her eyes glued to it* You worry me sometimes. That's all. 

I worry you? *he’s watching the way she stares at the wall because he’s a bit unsure of what’s happening in this moment* Do you want to talk about it?

*She glances at him, not having expected him to ask that* Do you?

*he really thinks about that then nods more for himself than her* We should if it’s bothering you.

It doesn't... bother me, per se. *She pauses, thinking about what comes next because this could go good or bad very fast* What you do isn't really my business.

*he purses his lips because some part of him knew he’d have to admit that they all needed to know things and be able to have open conversations at some point* Isn’t it though?

I mean, not really. It's whatever you choose to tell me, and I'd like it if you did, but I'm not going to force you. *Her voice is level, but it's obvious she's a bit uncomfortable*

Why don’t you think it’s your business? *he takes a breath then sort of just goes screw it* You know, as stupid as this sounds I’ve realized there aren’t many Selected left and not only should I try but I want to try. So it’s not about forcing me.

*She pauses because he's right, and she hadn't realized it either* I guess there aren't. *She debates for a second what to say* Are you scared?

*he furrows his eyebrows* Scared? Of what? Of you?

Not me. It's just... like you said, there aren't many of us left, and it'll come down to the wire soon. *She smiles a bit* I'd be scared if I were in your shoes.

*he takes a little step closer* And how do you feel in your shoes between me worrying you and everything else going on?

*She watches him as she thinks, her fingers rubbing against the paint tray just to do something* Nervous, mostly.

Here. *he reaches out and takes the tray just because he thinks maybe she’s fidgeting because it’s hard to hold it and paint* Why are you nervous?

*She watches as he takes the tray, not really sure why he did but not going to ask about it* This place has been a sanctuary basically. It almost feels like it's not real. The more girls that leave, the more I realize I have a lot of things to figure out. */Like how I feel about you/*

Is it anything I can help with? *he stands there holding the tray awkwardly because now he doesn’t know what to do with it*

*She shakes her head, not able to say what she's really thinking. She fights off the urge to immediately deny him because it does seem like he wants to help* When I think of anything, I'll let you know. First, I have to actually start thinking about it. *She gives a small smile* I'll figure it out, though. So will you.

I’m not so good at this whole “figure it out thing” but as long as there’s a chance I could help you or anyone else I’ll take it. *he glances down at the tray*

*When he glances down at the tray, she gives a small laugh and takes it from him before setting it down next to them. She considers for a moment what to do, but ends up doing what she really wants and takes a step forward to hug him again, holding him close* You've already helped me a lot. I'm not sure I can say the same for me about you, but I guess I hope my worrying says that I want to.

*he’s surprised but then wraps his arms around her and chuckles* You’re not very helpful at all.

*She smiles, not pulling away yet and holding him a bit tighter* I know. You should make me be more helpful.

*he laughs a bit more and nods* And in your expert opinion what do you suggest?

I've been told I'm good at holding hands, but I'm sure you have enough people lined up for that job. *She's quiet, but her tone is playful*

*he snorts and rolls his eyes* You sure about that?

*She shifts her head to look up at him* Are you questioning my hand-holding skills or the amount of people wanting to do it?

*he smirks a little because he supposes she’s right that he wasn’t clear* Depending on my answer how much trouble will I be in?

*She hums like she's really thinking about it* You're grounded either way, but whether I favor one or the other is up to you to decide.

Grounded? Really? *he tilts his head a bit* I don’t think I should answer if the end result is the same.

Who said just grounding would be the end result? It's what happens in said grounding that differentiates the options. *She relaxes her grip on him but still holds on, more at ease* 

*he smirks and rolls his eyes just a bit* And what happens if I give you no answer?

*She tilts her head* And here I thought we were trying to be more open with each other.

*he shrugs* Maybe, but right now I think I might want to take my chances since I’m grounded either way.

Has anyone ever told you you're an asshole? *she asks, knowing very well she has*

*he chuckles* Oh, definitely. Especially you... but you seem to keep coming back...

*She smirks* Did you think I was lying when I said I had thing for asshole princes with attitudes?

*he raises his eyebrows* So, I’m not the first? *he wraps his arms more around her waist* Can I at least know how I rank?

*/One/*

*Her eyes go to her wall for a moment as she thinks because she's definitely been with many other princes* On assholeness, your position is a solid three, looks are position two, and kissing... position five.

*he lets out a noise of shock and lets go of her* I think you should take that back.

*She tilts her head, wishing he would come back but still likes their little games* Make me.

*his smirk grows a little* Are you giving me permission?

*She lets out a shaky breath as she looks up at him* Only if you promise to be good for me.

*he pulls her closer again* If I’m good do I get a gold star? *his heart rate picks up*

*Her hands go up to loop around his neck as she smirks up at him* I would, but I'm not sure I have any. Can I give you something else instead?

*he grips her waist a little tighter but not in a way that would hurt. He watches her intently* And what would that be?

*She leans a little closer, her voice lowering* Guess you'll have to try and find out. *She’ll give him a whole lot more than just a kiss*

*he doesn’t move any closer but his voice also lowers* That sounds like a challenge.

*She smiles as she continues leaning just a bit, one hand touching his hair* You should know me well enough by now to know I'm always up for a challenge.

*he grins a bit* Then challenge accepted. *he leans downs and presses his lips to hers softly despite the amount of palpable sExUaL tEnSiOn in the room*

*She closes her eyes when he kisses her, not taking it further and letting him lead because she's enjoying this very, very much*

*pulls her closer by the waist with one hand while the other lets go of her and goes up to her hair, which he runs his fingers through*

*She still lets him lead but does press closer because she wants to let him know he can keep going*

*he steps closer- or as much as he can- and kicks the tray away. Then he steps closer again, deepening the kiss as he presses her back against the wall*

*She stops for a second when she feels her back press against the wall but immediately goes back in for it, her hands going to tug him forward by his shirt, which doesn't exactly work with their height difference, but they're trying alright*

*he tries but it really is difficult- especially since she didn’t wear her questionable shoes so he pulls back a bit breathlessly and all it takes is one look and he gasps out* Hold on. *then he lifts her by the thighs and steps closer so she can wrap her legs around him*

*She really was not expecting this. really, really not. and neither was I. Nevertheless, she does wrap her legs around him and pulls up his shirt to slip her hands under the sides of it as she kisses back*

*he keeps ahold of her by wrapping his arms beneath her thighs while he tries to not put too much pressure on her. He pulls back a moment watch her, breathing heavily* Jen... *he wants to say something but doesn’t know what*

*She looks at him, also breathing heavily, and her eyes rake over his face to make sure he's okay* Yeah?

*he takes a deep breath then shakes his head and leans in to press a kiss against her cheek*

*She smiles as he kisses her, her hands still at his sides* I think that may have bumped you up to number two.

*he presses a soft kiss to her lips then pulls back again* And what do I have to do to be bumped up to number one?

*She watches him for a moment and glances down at the position she's in before returning her gaze to his eyes* Keep going. I'll let you know.

*he glances down and honestly blushes just a little* Well... this is different... *he takes breath* Are you sure? *there’s something behind the look he gives her and the hesitation in his voice if she can hear it*

*She smiles and brings up her hands to the side of his face* As long as you don't drop me. *She leans in to kiss him again softly before pulling away* As long as you're okay.

*he stares at her a long moment then nods* I’ll try not to. *he glances around* Even if this would be easier literally anywhere else.

*She follows his gaze of the room and huffs out a laugh* Got any other suggestions? I can move.

*he chuckles a little then mutters* Screw it. *he leans back in to kiss her but this time it isn’t quite as gentle as before*

*She slides her hands to the back of his neck and matches his kisses, pulling him closer even if they can't. At some point, a moan slips from her lips, but she doesn't stop like she did in the kitchen because these are different times kids*

*he holds onto her legs a bit tighter and he groans a little at the feeling of her hands in his neck*

*She pulls away then and goes to kiss his neck for a few moments before pulling away, her face flushed* You may have that number one.

*he looks her over and to try to conceal every freaking thought running thought his brain he says* So then my work is done here it seems.

*She narrows her eyes* Don't you dare.

*he breathes in heavily* Or what?

*She tries to hold the demeanor but ends up cracking a second later into a smile* Nothing. I just want to kiss you.

*he leans closer to her and whispers* All you had to do was ask.

*She hums as she looks at him, her fingers absentmindedly brushing against his hair* I could, but we always have fun playing games.

*he can’t do anything but hold her legs but he gently brushes both thumbs across her legs* And what if this isn’t a game?

*She furrows her eyebrows, not really sure what he means* What would you call it then?

*he shakes his head then leans back towards her* Nothing... I was just being silly. *he softly presses his lips to hers*

*She lets him kiss her for a moment before she pulls away again to look at him* Are you sure? *She leans in to kiss the corner of his mouth, just briefly* Honesty.

*he nods* I’m sure. *he swallows* Don’t worry about me.

*She smiles a bit as she thinks back* Too late, remember?

I promise nothing is wrong. So you can stop worrying already and kiss me.

*She believes him for the moment because he really does seem fine, so she does what he says and leans in again to kiss him again softly*

*he leans into the kiss, being equally as soft. He decides to try and risk reaching up to touch her face with one hand but quickly realizes it won’t work when he almost drops her for a half second and his hand goes back to her leg*

*Her eyes fly open in panic for a split-second when she feels herself shift. She pulls away* I told you not to drop me.

*he lets out a breathless laugh* We can always switch. *he raises his eyebrows at her*

*She huffs a laugh* Yeah, that'll work out very well. In all probability, I'd bet we end up on the floor in an even worse position.

*he glances down her legs wrapped around him then looks back up with a smile* I wouldn’t say this is so bad.

It's not. *She leans in to brush her lips against his ear* But I think I like you more on your back.

Is that so? Maybe that can be arranged. *he squeezes her legs ever so slightly* But I have to tell you, no phones allowed this time.

*She pulls away just enough for her to look at him* Well, isn't it lucky I don't have it on me now?

*he sucks in a breath then in a more serious tone- that’s still low he asks* What are you saying? *he leans in and presses a kiss to her neck*

*She leans in a bit more when he kisses her neck, sucking in a breath* I'm saying Italy doesn't have the opportunity to interrupt any further negotiations. 

*he keeps kissing her neck gently, trailing little kisses all over her skin before he pulls back and looks at her. He gives her a surprised look* Are you sure that’s what you’d want?

*She's breathing heavy as he looks at her, both heart and mind racing at once* I think it is, but... *She trails off, not because she's afraid of what he'll think but because she's just in her head again*

No buts. *he says- which while it could be interpreted a few different ways he just means it’s a yes or no thing. He leans in to kiss her cheek then pulls back*

It's just-- *She cuts herself off when she glances down, realizing how they still are and how she'd rather have this conversation in a more neutral position* Can you let me go?

*he nods and carefully lowers her then takes a step back because yay neutrality...*

*when her feet hit the ground, she immediately stays pressed against the wall and heaves out a heavy breath before looking up at him. Realizing his distance, she give a small smile* You can stay here. I just want to talk. *She reaches out a hand for him to take*

*he’s still trying to catch his breath as he shakes his head with a small smile* I’m not sure how good we are at taking when we’re that close together.

*Her smile widens a little, but she doesn't press, just keeps looking at him, even though she's a bit nervous. Instead of thinking too much more, she starts talking instead* I do want that. To keep going, I mean. I know I do, and I think I would be okay. I trust you, and you always make me feel safe, like I can say no and you'll stop no matter because you do. *She pauses a bit at the memories coming back* But you know what happened, and I don't think I should start confronting those issues with someone I'm not... committed to. Even if I want to.

*And she really, really wants to*

*he nods and takes a good 30 seconds to reply because he hadn’t expected all that* I understand that and honestly? I think that’s a good thing? Well, I mean any way you want to do it is fine. You know it’s your choice. *he sucks in a breath when he realizes he’s actually rambling* I’m supportive of what you want.

*she lets the words process for a few moments, letting them sink in before she speaks again* Thank you. I'm sorry I keep going around and around about it, but it's taken a while to realize what I want. I'm okay with what we have now. *A small smile* You know, testing the waters.

You have nothing to be sorry for. *he steps a little closer* It’s good to have boundaries. You know what you want and I want what makes you feel safe.

*She reaches out to take his hand, just needing to touch him* You make me feel safe. If things were different, I'd say yes in a heartbeat, but they're not. *A little quieter* Even if I wish they were.

You don’t have to see yes. And honestly I’m not sure I should say yes.... *he steps closer again and gives her hand a squeeze* I... *he trails off and shakes his head*

*She watches as he steps closer, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. When he trails off, she gives him a squeeze* You can tell me what you're thinking.

*he grimaces a little because this is really what they’re talking about huh?* I’m not sure you want to hear about this...

*She smiles just a bit* Anything you want to tell me, I'll listen.

*he sucks in a breath* Okay I’m not sure I would know how to go further... *he really grimaces now*

*She pauses, confused* Are you saying you're a virgin?

*Maybe not the best way to ask, but it was something she would like to know. It was surprising, of course, but not a dealbreaker. She wouldn’t mind teaching him all the things he needed to know from scratch if that’s what it came down to*

*he blinks in surprise then shakes his head, feeling confused* No... I just... *he takes a deep breath* I was just with F- one person a long time.

*She breathes out a little "oh" before she swallows and looks back up at him* Four years is a long time to be with a person. It makes sense. *She pauses, not really sure if she should day what she wants to, but screw it* Are you really okay? Moving on can be... really hard.

I’m not sure I’m okay yet but maybe one day I will be. *he nods at the answer because as hard as it is to have said it’s the truth* Are you okay from before?

*She moves her free hand to his waist when he says maybe he will be, just for some reassurance* I still think about them sometimes, but not in bad ways. Just the experiences. They all teach us different things. *Some of them good, but the bad were marked in red ink*

*he nods as he listens to her speak then decides to risk asking * And is that what I am?

*She furrows her eyebrows a little as she thinks* Of course you are. Why wouldn't you be?

*he frowns just a little* I don’t know... it was a dumb question.

It wasn't a dumb question. *She squeezes his hand* You're gonna be okay. *She pauses as she thinks about the memory that came into her head, debating whether it was a good idea to say* I heard you danced with her at the ball. Felicity, I mean.

*his hand involuntarily clenches in hers and his jaw tightens* I did... Idalia?

*She gives a little smile, a little uncomfortable but not overly so* Well, everyone. You weren't really subtle. *Another pause* How was that?

*he frowns and is visibly agitated but doesn’t take his hand from hers* Jen, why are you asking?

*She pauses, a little put off by the question* Because I wasn't there and wanted to ask about it. *She says it like it's obvious*

I don’t have much to say about it. It happened. *he still stays close but is still stiff* So what’s there to ask?

*She watches his reaction and it just puts a bad feeling in her stomach. She didn’t mean to start anything. It was just something she was genuinely curious about and had been since the morning after the ball. The fact that he was being elusive only made anger spike in her gut* I was /asking/ because the last time you mentioned her was telling me you kissed and thought it was a mistake, and I wanted to ask about that little public display since it was apparently bothersome to people. *She pulls away a bit*

Well, it seems to me you’ve already formed an opinion on what happened so why don’t you just say what you’re really thinking. *he steps back and lets go of her hand*

*She scoffs* I /don't/ know what happened, and I wanted to ask you like an adult instead of forming opinions, actually, but your reactions are definitely making me think you didn't just dance.

So you /do/ have an opinion. *he steps back even further and shakes his head* I’m glad to see that even after everything that we’ve done or I’ve told you that you still don’t trust me. *he scoffs a little in disbelief*

No, I haven't formed an opinion, but you are definitely adding to the factors right now. *She presses her back a little further into the wall because she wants to step back, but there's nowhere for her to go. She's a little hurt from the assumption because he was so quick to throw that out. She thought their trust went both ways* How could you say I don't trust you? I just wanted a straight answer.

Because you said my reaction made you think we did more than dance. *he takes an angry breath and because he’s stupid and butt hurt he says the worst thing possible* Well, guess what- we have. Is that what you want to hear? About the kisses or the touches or anything else we ever did.

*She pushes of the wall, shaking her head in disbelief at the absolute stupidity* Are you trying to get under my skin or something? Well, I don't care what you did in your fucking relationship. I don't care that you danced or kissed or whatever else you did. You know what does piss me off, though?

*he throws his hands up* I told you to tell me if I ever did anything wrong so don’t hold back now. *he narrows his eyes just a bit and crosses his arms as he waits expectantly*

*She scoffs because he really is being an asshole and deserves what's coming next* What pisses me off is you rebounding with 35 girls to get over your ex instead of being a normal person and doing it with one.

A /normal person/. *he scoffs* The last I checked you don’t fall under that category either. No one in this circus does. *he uncrosses his arm and waves them around* But if you have an issue with this whole thing I’d like to remind you that /you/ signed up for this. That choice had nothing to do with me and you know it so don’t you dare resent me.

*She's struggling to keep it together, just wanting to cry but not wanting to do it in front of him* You're right. I guess it was a mistake then. Sorry.

*with seeing that shift he hesitantly steps closer and most of the anger he was feeling dissipates enough for him to realize his mistake*

*Seeing him step closer, she averts her eyes, obviously upset, but she doesn't want him to see her cry again. She takes a step toward the door* I'll leave then. *She says this meaning more than just the room. Her sanctuary suddenly feels like it’s crumbling around her*

*he takes a step backwards but then steps over to the side so he’s only half in front of her so she could easily step around and he doesn’t touch her* Please look at me.

*Her eyes do go to his, but she immediately averts them again* Why? *Her voice is shaky, even with just the one word*

*he steps away as she shuts down because he doesn’t want to risk hurting her in any way- not physically* I shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t fair of me. I’m sorry.

*She sniffles and lets out a shaky breath. She doesn't acknowledge the apology, but it does calm her a little bit* Arin, I-- *She chokes and stops herself, just trying to breathe*

*when she says his name it breaks his heart to some extent and he reaches for her VERY cautiously- only daring to touch her arm* You don’t have to say anything.

*She nods, breathing heavy as she tries to keep it together. She doesn't move from his touch and simply says* I don't want to cry.

*he still keeps his hand on her arm* It’s okay if you do. *he watches her as the feeling of guilt overwhelms him*

*She keeps breathing, wrapping an arm around herself, still not looking at him* Tell me to leave.

*his breath catches and he’s quiet as he says pleadingly* Please don’t make me. *he pulls his hand back and looks away from her*

I don't want you to. *She looks down at where he's touching* I just... *She trails off, not really sure where she was going with it* I don't want to get hurt again. That's why I asked.

*he shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down at the ground* I- okay. Then we don’t have to go further than this. After tonight we can just be friends. *he frowns* I can be that for you.

*She stops breathing for a second, the words going through her mind over and over again because it would make things a lot less hard, but at the same time,,, She looks up at him* Is that what you want? */Please say no/*

*he retreats more within himself and he says* I want what will make you happy and to give you what you need. *he closes his eyes* I- *he brushes away the feelings he’s holding back and doesn’t say anything else*

*She shakes her head, heaving out another breath from the emotions she's feeling all at once* I... *She swallows the lump in her throat* If there's not a chance, I don't want to confuse myself any more.

*he nods* Okay. *he lets out a breath and turns always from her and walks towards where some old furniture is and sits on a sectional. He puts his elbows on his knees and clenches his hands together so he can rest his chin on them. All because he is an idiot*

*She sucks in a breath as she watches him go, her heart kind of dropping because no answer spoke volumes and was almost worse than the one she didn't want* Okay. If there's no chance, then... I guess we can just be friends. *She tries not to sound to upset, but her breath definitely catches at some point*

*Friends. She didn’t even realize she didn’t want to be just friends until that very moment, but the moment the realization hit, she knew. Her feelings for Arin, whatever they may be, weren’t the friend kind, not anywhere close. Dangerous feelings to have, but she wanted them*

*his heart really breaks at that and he hunches over more then he softly says in as level a voice as he can manage* For what it’s worth I don’t want you to go home because I think we could have something- more than friendship. But I don’t want to hurt you and if you’re afraid I will then friends will have to do.

*She watches him for a moment, her breathing stable but still a little heavy. She still wants to cry. She's really not sure what to do or what to say, so she follow him to the section, sitting as far away as possible because sitting close feels wrong. After a moment, she finally speaks* So there's a chance.

*he blows out a breath, unable to look at her* There was always a chance. *he stands up, clearly agitated and paces a bit*

*She glances up at him as he paces, noticing he does that a lot when he gets annoyed. She looks back down. A chance. That’s all she needs* Okay.

*he turns to her* Okay? *he’s clearly shocked*

*She looks up at him when she sees he's stopped* Yes.

*he huffs a breath thinking better of what he could say* I think I should go to bed.

*She watches him, still nervous, but she doesn't want him to go. She doesn't want to be alone* Are you okay?

No. *he says truthfully, shrugging because what an absurd question* I’m not. *he looks towards the door* Are you coming or staying?

*She looks down for a moment because she didn't want him to be not okay, but she doesn't comment on it, just stands* I'll come.

*he can’t wait for her because he just needs out of the attic as it begins to feel like the walls are closing in. He quickly goes to the stairs, leaving her behind*

*At this point, she's just too exhausted to be exasperated, so she just goes after him, turning off the light and shutting the door before going down the stairs. She doesn't speak, feeling the air too heavy between them*

*he’s waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her, a good couple feet from the door- with his hands shoved in his pockets*

*She glances at his face when she gets to the bottom but immediately tears her gaze away. She shuts the door behind her and keeps her distance, eyes still trained on the floor*

*he starts to walk down the hall and despite the fact that he’s upset he reaches out his hand to her once they’re near the stairs that lead down to the second floor*

*She watches his hand for a moment like wtf, but she takes it as a sign that things are at least a little more okay, so she does take his hand, gripping him gently* I feel like I should say something, but I don't know what will make this better.

Let’s just... get you to bed? I don’t want to risk saying the wrong thing right now. *he leads her down the stairs, completely distracted by her hand in his*

I'd rather you risk saying the wrong thing than staying up all night thinking about the things I should have said. *Her voice is a little defeated, already thinking too much*

*he glances over* What do you want me to say? *they near the bottom of the stairs*

*She closes her eyes for a second and sighs* Just... anything. Tell me I didn't fuck everything up.

*he sucks in a breath* It wasn’t you. *they get to the bottom of the stairs and he leads her down the hall*

*She doesn't quite believe it, but she won't ask. She stares forward* I'm sorry I pressed on subjects you don't want to talk about. I should've stopped when I realized you were uncomfortable, and I didn't.

*he keeps walking them down the hall and gives her hand a little squeeze and says* Please don’t say you’re sorry.

*She squeezes him back, a little more at ease* You deserve apologies too.

*they round the corner of the hall* I don’t think you have anything to apologize for. *he glances over*

*She gives a half roll of her eyes* The more you say that, the more I'm going to do it.

*he eyes her in confusion* And why’s that?

*She glances over at him* Sometimes people hurt you, and they never say it. I don't want to be that person.

*he looks towards her door as they get closer, unsure of how to reply. Then he sighs and still without looking says* I hurt you and that’s what’s hurting me.

*She looks away, not entirely sure what he's referencing because things were said in that attic, but she supposes the statement's truth didn't change. He did hurt her* And sometimes people you care about are the ones who hurt you the most. *A little quieter* And I know you don't want to hurt me.

But I still did. *he grimaces, replaying what he said as they approach her door and he doesn’t let got of her hand. He reaches for the door handle and opens it for her, noticing the little light beside her bed is on he eyes it*

*She watches him as he opens the door. She would've gone in, but when he doesn't let go, she doesn't either* Fix it then.

*he looks back to her and says* How? *it’s a genuine question with nothing suggestive behind behind it*

Stay. *She says it immediately before she loses the nerve because it's a big ask* Just tonight. If you want to.

*he sucks in a nervous breath because that’s a massive invitation but he squeezes her hand and nods* Okay.

Okay. *She breathes out the word as she looks up at him, her heart racing in her chest. Without another word, she leads him into her room and shuts the door behind them*

*he follows her inside and and his hand tenses in her a bit when he hears the click of the door shutting. He looks over at her with some uncertainty- not because he doesn’t want to be there but because he’s never been in this room for any reason other than to take her somewhere*

*When the door is shut, she looks back to him, a little shaky, obviously nervous because even though she asked, it's still a lot* You can leave if this isn't what you want. *She says it because she feels like she guilted him into this, and it's not right to do this like that*

*he swallows* I’m okay with it if you’re okay. It’s just sleeping... *he lets out a nervous laugh because sleeping is a whole other issue that doesn’t at all feel related to what’s happening*

Just sleeping. *She murmurs it, mostly to herself as reassurance, not because she needs to convince herself but just to say it. Her eyes go to his* That sounds good.

*he nods because he needs to reassure both of them then his eyes go to the bed but he doesn’t move because he wants to give her the chance to still back out- in if she doesn’t he knows she should have control of this situation*

*Her heart is racing, but she ignores it as when he nods. Her mouth quirks into a little smile* Are we limited to opposite-end sleeping or is holding me acceptable contact?

*now his heart really starts racing and he looks back to her* It’s up to you.

I don't mind. *She presses her lips together and glances to the bed that seems to be the elephant in the room before returning her eyes to his* Or I could hold you if that's what you prefer

*he takes a deep breath* What do you want? *he looks back at the bed because dear lord*

*Seeing where he looked again, she smiles and gives his hand a little tug toward the bed* Maybe we figure it out when we get there?

*he nods and steps a little closer to her* Yeah, when we get there... *EVEN THO THE BED IS RIGHT THERE*

*She gives his hand another small tug, not pulling but firm enough for him to figure out what she's meaning: Bed* I'll change. You okay?

*he nods* I’m okay, I promise. *he looks over* I can just wait here while you change.

*She smiles and lets him go then, forcing herself not to look back as she goes into her bathroom. 

*She doesn’t take much time to get ready but makes sure to give herself an extra glance in the mirror. She isn’t expecting anything in particular, but she brushes her teeth very well just in case. And, hey, at least she didn’t cry.*

*She comes out a few minutes later wearing one of Idalia's grey hoodies and shorts. She takes a few steps closer but stops at the edge of the bed, heart still racing* There's an extra toothbrush if you need it. *She says it because,,,, she wants to let him know but also she doesn't know what else to say*

*he nods then looks towards the bathroom from where he’s been standing- just looking at the bed* I’ll be right back. *he tries to give her a reassuring smile before he steps away from the bed and goes to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He emerges a few minutes later... definitely more time than needed to brush teeth and he shuts the bathroom door behind him as he looks to where she is now*

*She’s sitting on the side of the bed closest to the door, and when he emerges, she looks over her shoulder to see him before lifting one leg onto the bed as she turns her body to face him more. She's still nervous but less so. There are socks on her feet now*

*he walks over to the bed and stands beside her and looks down* Are you sure about this?

*She stands up with a small smile and takes his hand* I'm okay if you're okay. 

*he nods and gives her hands a squeeze* I’m okay. *he looks over her shoulder at the bed*

*She also follows his gaze because here we go again* I sleep on the left side. 

*he chuckles* What if /I/ sleep on the left side of the bed?

Well, then I guess we'll have to share it. *She looks back up at him with a grin, waiting for him to make the first move because she's already nervous*

*be squeezes her hand* Ladies first then… *because this is her room and her rules*

*She looks back down at the bed then, wondering how the hell they got into this situation, but it was just a BED, so she let out a breathe as she reached to pull away the duvet and top sheet before slipping on the bed, scooting enough for him to join her but still enough to remain mostly on the left. She watches him now, chewing on her bottom lip as she waits*

*he takes a deep breath and shudders when he thinks about the last time they were in her bed. He kneels down on the bed and then shifts so he’s sitting while he pulls the covers up to get beneath them. He’s still sitting when he looks over at her- asking her with his gaze if it’s still okay*

*She smiles and scoots in until their legs are touching, her heart still racing because this is new, and she hasn't actually slept with anyone in a long time, not even Ian. She pulls the covers up a little more and keeps a hold of them for the moment*

*he settles into the covers and turns to face her, propping himself on his elbow* Hi. *he whispers*

*She cracks a smile as she matches his position, elbow propped and staring straight at him, and she is really very fond* Hello. *She looks from his face to the edge of the covers before returning to his face* This is new.

*he snuggles a little closer but doesn’t touch her as his smile grows even if his heart is still racing* New can be good.

*She reaches up and shifts closer, allowing their legs to touch under the covers, and she sets a hand on his side* I like new. *Her eyes just kinda studies his face because she feels like she can really see it now* Thank you for staying. *Her voice is soft*

*he nods as he dares to reach out and out a hand on her waist but still he looks to her for confirmation that it’s okay* Thank you for letting me. *he gazes at her softly* Bee.

*She glances down at his hand on her waist and smiles before returning her eyes to his. She shifts her hand to his jaw, running her thumb over the side of his face* Are we okay? I really want to kiss you, but I won't if there's something wrong.

*scoots closer* I think we’re okay- we’re just both a little hurt right now. *he strokes her waist with his thumb*

*She nods because it's true. They really are. After a beat of silence, she speaks again* Did I hurt you?

*he scrunches his nose a little* A bit but it was my fault. If I hadn’t said what I said then you wouldn’t have said what you did.

I'm sorry. *She keeps brushing her thumb over his cheek* Don't tell me not to say it. *A little quieter* This is why I don't like fighting with you. It was easier before, but now... *She sighs through her nose and closes her eyes but keeps her hand stroking his face*

Now what? *he asks softly. His hand stills on her waist and he watches the ways she closes her eyes, worried that despite where they are he has in fact messed everything up*

*She opens her eyes then to watch him again* Now I care about you, and I don't like it when you're hurt. *She shifts her hand up the slightest bit to brush her thumb over his cheekbone* You get this look in your eye, and I immediately wish I could take it back.

*he pulls his hand from her waist and brings it up to rest on her cheek* Maybe we should just get better about not hurting each other. It doesn’t do either of us any good...

*She smiles a bit then* Okay. No more hurting each other. *With that, she leans into kiss him, just a brief press of her lips against his*

*he kisses her back gently then pulls away* No more hurting each other.

*She smiles again and goes back to kiss him, not going further, just because she wants to and likes that she's comfortable enough to do it again*

*he scoots closer but doesn’t make any moves beyond that, just enjoying the calmness between them.*

*She isn't thinking much about going further but does press her body into his because she wants to touch him. When she "kisses him deeper" ((lmao)), she pulls away with a smile and kisses the corner of his mouth, murmuring* You taste like toothpaste. *Even though she’s sure she does too*

*he laughs* Is that why you keep a spare toothbrush in your room? In case of sleepovers? *he kisses her cheek as his hand moves to hair, pushing some of it behind her ear*

*She laughs* Yeah, I definitely only thought of you. Just you. *Her fingers brush over his hair as she shifts to kiss him again*

*he pulls back a little* It’s good to know that you have your priorities straight. *he leans to kiss her again*

*She hums into the kiss but doesn't reply, pulling him closer and grasping at his waist again before slipping her hand beneath. She slides it to the top of his jeans and pulls away just slightly, still smiling* Do you always sleep in jeans? *She starts kissing his jaw, a little more than innocent but not really meant to be suggestive*

*his breath catches* I can take them off... I just assumed you’d be more comfortable with me keeping them off.

I don't mind. *her hand slides back up to his side as she continues to kiss him. Mostly innocently because already knows she doesnt want anything to escalate too much*

Okay. *he breathes in heavily then reaches his hands down to fumble with the buttons, a bit shaker because nerves and the fact that she’s kissing him*

*She keeps kissing him, moving from his lips to his neck, not paying mind to what he's doing but still aware of it*

*finally he manages to undo the little button and he unzips his pants, then tries to pull them down while being COMPLETELY DISTRACTED*

*She feels him squirming to do it, so she kisses him on the lips one more time before letting go and letting herself fall onto her back, staring up at the ceiling with heavy breaths as she allows him to move*

*he struggles for a good bit before he finally manages to slide them off and he pulls them out from under the covers. He then sits it, still breathing heavily, so he can turn them right side out and fold them. He glances over at her and smiles a little at a thought he has*

*She turns on her side again, her eye going from the sheets to his shirt to his face. She smiles as she look up at him* Do you always sleep in a shirt with no pants?

*he carefully folds the jeans* Oh hush, you can’t bash me for not having pants on when you told me to take them off. *he sets the pants on the night stand then settles back into the sheets and turns to face her again*

*She huffs a laugh and goes to kiss him again* I did no such thing.

*he pulls back then scoots away* I’ll put them back on then.

*She rolls her eyes when he pulls away and shifts to close the distance between them again, pulling him back toward her* I was not /bashing/ you, baby.

*he lets her pull him closer and he smirks* /Baby/? Huh? That’s a new one.

*She lies back against the bed, her head on the pillows, a little flushed because of the nickname but not overly so. It wasn’t exactly what she meant, but she would go with it* A good new one?

*he scoots as close as he can then leans towards her* As long and I can still call you Bee. *he presses a kiss to her neck*

*She hums and her hand slips under his shirt again, remaining on waist as she smiles* I'd be offended if you didn't.

*he pulls back and presses a kiss to her forehead* Bee. *then a kiss to her right cheek* Bee. *then the left cheek* Bee. *each time he says it, it’s softer than the time before. Then he moves like he’s going to kiss her lips but doesn't*

*It reminds her a bit of the ball, right before he said the murder name, but she'd been happy then, and she was happy now with him like this. When he stops, her smile quirks a bit* Everything alright, baby?

*he chuckles at the nickname and nods* Perfectly. *he pulls back to look at her*

*She tilts her head a bit as he looks at her* Are we actually planning on sleeping tonight or am I to just lie here while you stare at me in that way until the sun rises?

*he snorts and rolls his eyes then murmurs* Turn off the light? *he finally gives her that last kiss* Bee.

*She lets go of him and shifts onto her back again* Go for it.

*he scoots away then reaches over the night stand and switches the light of. Suddenly everything is dark and that makes his breath catch a little because it reminds him of the night of the ball. But he tries to play it cool as he scoots closer and lays on his back as well- even if he can’t sleep that way*

*She turns to him on her side, her voice lowering now that it's dark, also a little nervous because 1) different 2) she doesnt sleep in the dark* How do we want to do this?

*he’s still on his back when he reaches over and feels around for hopefully her hand* I figured we’d just close our eyes.

*She laughs a little and feels his touch, so she also takes his hand* I clutch things, so decide whether you're going to be the little spoon or deal with my decisions.

*he laughs* Lady’s choice. *he gives her hand a squeeze*

*She shifts a little then, pressing as close as she can to him and wrapping the arm that isn't beneath her around him. She leans in to kiss his neck, murmuring* Are you comfortable?

*he makes a noise of surprise because he can’t see and suddenly she’s kissing his neck and she can probably hear it feel his heart racing* Yeah, are you? *he shifts to face her and puts a hand back in her waist*

*He can't see it, but she smiles at the noise and presses her lips to his jaw this time. She shifts a little closer, legs bumping his* Yeah, I am.

That might have been a dumb question. *he breathes as his hand wanders a little higher up than her waist. He closes his eyes at the feeling of her kissing his jaw*

Never a dumb question. *She kisses his lips then, ever so gently, her fingers drawing circles with the hand on his back*

*he kisses her back going a little higher with his hand, leaning into her more*

*She also leans more into the kiss, her hand slipping under his shirt again and going to his back for a moment before she breaks the kiss, pulling away just a bit* You can take your shirt off. If you want to. *She's a bit breathless when she says it but it's dark so he cant see the flush on her cheeks*

*he honestly would leave it on but being in the bed with her... it is WARM. So he takes. Calming breath and nods even if she can’t see him. He pulls away bit and goes to pull off his shirt*

*She just lays there, feeling him shift away and immediately wishing he was back*

*he sits up again to fold his shirt as well as he can in the dark before he sets it next to him on the night stand. He then snuggles under the covers more and lays on his side again to face her*

*She immediately goes back in to hold him, pressing against him and kissing again, well-aware that this is the least amount of clothes they'd ever been in together and not mad about it either*

*he moves closer and kisses her back before he pulls away* Is this why you were trying to get me to take everything off?

No, I just wanted you to. *She leans in to kiss him again, a little more dialed up solely to make Ester yell at me*

*he kisses her more deeply for scientific reasons and pulls her closer, tangling their legs together*

*She shifts a bit, lying back against the bed and pulling him as much as she can on top of her, one hand settling at his waist and the other at his face as she kisses back, pulling him closer again*

*he gets about halfway on top of her and kisses her with a bit more passion until he finally pulls back and breathlessly stares down at her as well as he can now that his eyes have adjusted to the dark more* So much for sleeping.

*She smiles and shifts away slightly enough for her to sit up and pull her hoodie over her head and sits it next to her on the other side of the bed. And obviously he can't see her that well, but she's wearing a bra and everything is fine. She moves back under him and reaches up* We can do that too. *She pulls him back down to kiss her despite her words because while she knows she doesn't want to go all the way, she still doesn't mind this*

*he continues to kiss her, now hovering above her with hands placed on either side of her head. He pulls back again- not fully realizing that SHE IS NOT WEARING A SHIRT until he glances down. He looks back up at her, squinting because of how dark it is. He chuckles* What are you doing? *he kisses her again despite his question*

*She huffs a laugh as she kisses him* It's a little hot, isn't it?

You kissing me without a top or this room? *he mumbles against her lips*

*Mumbles* Either. *Another kiss* Both. *Another kiss. She pulls away, letting her head hit the pillow while looking up at him even if she can't see much*

*he rolls off of her with a small laugh* Maybe we should stop while we’re ahead- even if I don’t mind this at all.

*She definitely did not mind it either. She would have to make a note of that for later. She shifts to his side again, pressing her body close and resuming holding him like she'd been doing before. She presses her face to his shoulder, smiling* This is ahead? I'd be scared to see your definition of behind. *She wouldn’t mind trying it either*

*he wraps his arms around her* That’s something to find out another time.

*She shifts again, pressing closer as she settles into the bed* I look forward to it. *She moves one more time to press her lips against his, very softly* Goodnight, baby.

*he settles in more then kisses her one last time* Goodnight, Bee. Sleep tight.

*at some point in the night Arin slips out of the bed and manages to find the stash of stationary that each room has after turning on a lamp. He writes a note that he leaves beside her bed*

_ Bee, _

_ Sorry I had to sneak out, I had an early morning meeting. _

_ I hope you slept well. _

_ -Arin _


End file.
